I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
