just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
