She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
