laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize