I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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