I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
