You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
