ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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