you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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