turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
