grandma shit on top of the toilet
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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