i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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