why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
