the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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