He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize