Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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