I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize