She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
