I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
