do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
