what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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