have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
