My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
