I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
