do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
