I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
