My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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