She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
