Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
