i barfeds in our rink
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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