im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
