I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
