Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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