my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
