I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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