two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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