is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
