Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize