I smell stomach acid.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
being pregnant is like rehab
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
