I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize