Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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