Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
