please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
