I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
