If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
