Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
