Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
