i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
