Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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