Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize