my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
