I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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