yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
