I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
