she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Im part way to drunk.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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