Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
