i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
