Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
