omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
