i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You left your phone here
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