One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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