You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
