you guys were way drunker than both of me
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
