you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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