i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
