I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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